I Am Switzerland

So, I have 3 kids. The older two, Dude & Fancy, are a mere 18 months apart. Yes, that's right kids, I was one of those crazy women who was well & truly knocked up by the time Dude blew out the candles on his first birthday cake. Insane, I tell you!!

Over the years, this has been a blessing and a curse. It is wonderful and delightful when they giggle together, inventing silly games and playing like best friends. I about burst with love when I watched baby Fancy clap for toddler Dude, playing piano or shooting hoops. It has been positively awesome watching them motivate one another to learn, to read, to write, to excel. To see their concerts when they were younger? More fun could not be had. And watching the two of them dote on their little sister Pebbles is the best thing since sliced bread.

But now? They are 7 and 5, and much of the time (to quote that awesome clown fish Marlin) "Good feeling gone!"


Can't you just feel the love?

Dude can be heard complaining that Fancy isn't in her bed when we tell him it's time for lights out at night. Fancy complains that Dude got to play Wii for 5 more minutes than she did. Or that he gets dessert every night {never mind that he actually eats food ... clearly that is beside the point}. And the fighting. Oh. Emm. Gee. The fighting.

Moooommmmmmm ... Dude sat on me!

Mooommmmmmm ... Fancy changed the song on the cd player!

Moooommmmmm ... Dude won't let me play the Wii with him!

Seriously? I went to law school for this?

So, I have a new policy this summer. Neutrality. Solve it yourselves, kids. Unless one of you hurt the other one on purpose, I really don't want to hear it. I'll let them tell their sides, as they clearly need to be heard, but then I am encouraging them more & more to fix it themselves. Because they're much more likely to like the outcome that way. I can't make him be nice, I can't make everything "fair." No, you shouldn't always be the one to pick, and she shouldn't automatically declare that she's not playing with you {EVER.AGAIN} any time she doesn't get her way. You're both right. Now figure it out for yourselves, or it's going to be a very long summer! {it kind of already is. And we're not even a week in!}

I have another new rule.
Unless you are bleeding or throwing up, don't talk to me while I'm on the phone.

Surely I'm not the only mom who deals with this one. I swear, a ringing phone is like a magnet for someone needing to talk to me. NEED, I tell you. {Perhaps I should add if something is on fire to my list of acceptable reasons. hmmm} I'm not often on the phone, but when I am, there are needs. Not wants. needs. You know, something along the lines of "can I have some more cereal?" or "would you put a ponytail in my Barbie's hair?" Needs.

I'm ON.THE.PHONE. Dude is seven. Fancy will be 6 in September. Their entire lives they have heard the mantra. I'm on the phone. I'll help you when I'm done. Please don't interrupt when I'm on the phone. Why a 4 minute conversation with The Husband demands 3 different interruptions by no fewer than 2 kids I'll never know. So. New rule. We'll see how it goes.

I am Switzerland. My policy of neutrality is fixed & firm. Unless they are hurting one another. And if they can't stop fighting? To bed with you both!